The Butterfly Effect
by Nepeace
Summary: Tony’s world turns upside down when strange events keep happening and the world and the people around him stop making sense. He can’t find his way back to his old life and has no idea who to turn to. Drama/Alternate universes
1. Prologue Get out!

Movie Madness ChallengeTitle: The Butterfly Effect

**Author:** Nepeace

**Challenge:** Movie Madness Challenge - Issued by McGeekers on NFA due September 22, 2009

**Fandom:** NCIS

**Pairings:** Multiple pairings

**Warnings:** Alternate universes, drama, supernatural, kind of character death ... but have some faith in me.

**Ratings:** FR15

**Words:** ??? (This is a WIP)

**Summary:** Tony's world turns upside down when strange events keep happening and the world and the people around him stop making sense. He can't find his way back to his old life and has no idea who to turn to.

**Author's note:** The second I read this challenge an idea started to form in my head and when that happens I just need to write it down or it will stay with me and probably interrupt my sleep at night. So here I am writing it down, I hope that you will like it.

**Disclaimer:** NCIS belongs to Donald P. Bellisario and CBS. Everything that you don't recognize belongs to me, I promise that I will put them back where I found them when I am done playing with them. Neither 'Bones' nor 'Criminal Minds' are owned by me. They are just fun to play with and I will put them back when I am done just the way I found them, I promise.

A huge thanks goes out to Liz (Starkitten315) for going through my Nepeacisms and making it better ultimately. Thanks so much!!!

"**The Butterfly Effect"**

**Prologue**

**Get out!**

"DiNozzo! Get your ass out of there now!" Gibbs screamed, his voice hoarse with emotion as he tried to get them to follow his order. He really should kill them himself for not obeying a direct order, if they made it out alive that was. As the seconds on the timer counted down to zero, he was furious that both Tony and Ziva ignored him. He was afraid that they wouldn't make it in time; he had been telling them for the last couple of minutes to get out of the building, but as usual Ziva had been ignoring his commands. He could hear Tony pleading with Ziva to come with him, but if Ziva was determined that she could do something, there wasn't much that would stop her from trying. She hadn't said a word but Gibbs had heard that she shushed Tony when he asked her to leave the bomb and come with him. Gibbs barked some orders to McGee before he turned back to his telephone and once again told Tony to grab Ziva and get out of there.

"Ziva, we have to get out of here, there isn't enough time left." He saw seconds passing by on the clock; he had to act fast or they both wouldn't make it. He waited until her hands were free from the device in front of her. He acted quickly and in one swift move he grabbed her by her arm and pulled her up. He was glad when she didn't struggle against his hold for he knew that she would have a trick of ten up her sleeve to get him to loosen the grip he had on her. After all, this was Ziva, the Mossad assassin. She was trained to kill and she could certainly escape the grasp he had on her, but he was still holding her when he guided her to the exit of the building. Together they ran down the narrow hall knowing that if the bomb exploded at that moment they had no actual chance of surviving, as they would be slammed into the walls or the low ceiling. It spurred both of them on to run even faster knowing that the inevitable explosion was getting closer and closer.

They had barely passed the door when the bomb exploded, and he pushed her to the ground. As the building exploded over their heads, pieces of stone, wood and other rubble fell down all around them. Tony pushed Ziva to the ground, covering her with his body. His ears were ringing and every bone in his body hurt as if he had been ran over by a truck. Countless thoughts ran through his mind, one after another, and none of them were relevant at that moment. All of a sudden he remembered that he once heard that the human body contains 206 bones. Well, if that was the case, then he was pretty sure that at least half of them were either bruised or broken.

He tried to open his eyes, but the bright orange colour of the flames and the smoke made his eyes water and he was unable to see. The air was filled with the smell of burning wood and fabrics and he could smell the horrible stench of burned hair in his nostrils. It was hard to breathe, but even harder not to breathe. His need for air won eventually and he took in a gulp of air. He tried to open his eyes again; the light hurt his eyes but blinking a few times helped, even if it was just a little bit. He slowly turned his face. He was lying on the floor amid the rubble where mere minutes before an office building stood.

He hoped that Gibbs and McGee had been able to get all of the people out of the building before it blew up. Small piles of smouldering rubble were lying around him. He squeezed his eyes shut, he took a few seconds and gazed through his eyelashes. His head was pounding with a headache, he probably had a concussion. He could barely make out her form even though she was lying just a few meters away. He noticed that her chest was slowly rising and falling but she seemed to be unconscious. He was somewhat relieved that she was at least breathing, but then it dawned on him that she might have lost consciousness when he pushed her to the ground. He grumbled a couple of curse words; he should have dragged her away from that bomb sooner. But how could he? Her fingers had been tracing the wires on the bomb, the tip of her knife buried between a couple of multicoloured cables while she tried to make an educated guess which would be safe to cut. There was no way he could have pulled her away without endangering them even more. His head was spinning and while the adrenaline left his body a pounding headache made itself known. He tried to get up but a wave of nausea stopped him before he could properly lift his head.

He was slowly losing consciousness. He could hear someone screaming his name in the distance. Was it McGee; was Probie calling out his name? He tried to say something, but his vocal cords didn't cooperate with his mind. His thoughts clouded and his eyes slowly closed while the sounds around him faded into nothingness. He could feel himself drifting further and further into the darkness. The sounds around him blurred and faded as if they where coming from miles away he recognized some of them but at the same time he couldn't place the sounds either.

*** * ***


	2. Prologue The awakening

**The awakening**

He woke up bathing in sweat he tried to get his rapid breathing pattern back to normal but his attempts seemed futile. He sighed a breath of relief, the case they had been working on could have turned out to be a very dangerous one but luckily for him the crazy ninja chick was there when they stumbled upon the bomb. He himself would have never known what to do with it, he probably would have run and started evacuating the scene while calling the bomb squad. But not Ziva - she wouldn't be Ziva if she didn't try to dismantle the bomb herself. Of course Mossad had provided training in dismantling bombs as well. He often wondered what Mossad didn't train their operatives in. It wasn't the first time she did something that dangerous and it wouldn't be the last time either. As the seconds counted down she took out her knife and dismantled the bomb until she could trace the wires and knew which one she could cut without exploding it. But that wasn't what happened, the pieces of the puzzle suddenly seemed to fall together. He remembered Gibbs screaming at him to get out of there and Ziva refusing to listen to him. He then remembered that he pulled her up the second she released her hands from the device and pulled her with him. And then there was the blast. Loud, louder then he ever heard one, but of course he was closer than he ever been to a bomb before when it exploded. Tony struggled to get his thoughts in order did the bomb explode or did Ziva dismantle the bomb? And if that was the case, then why did he remember so vividly that it exploded? And why was his head pounding as if it was going to explode?

He sucked in a sharp breath and it exploded. He struggled to open his eyes but the brightly lit room made him squeeze his eyes shut tightly. He was not at home, he couldn't be - his room had extra dark curtains to keep the light out when he wanted to sleep in after pulling an all nighter. He tried to move but it was as if his body was restrained, as if his muscles didn't want to cooperate. He felt as if he ran the marathon, not that he would ever even attempt to do anything like that but he was pretty sure that he would feel the same way.

He forced his eyes to open; he blinked a couple of times and the brightly lit room started to take shape. He saw a couple of people standing around him, but at first he wasn't able to see who they were. He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. It wasn't until a sharp pain exploded in his hand that he noticed that it was wrapped in gauze.

"He's waking up!" Abby exclaimed but her voice didn't have the same amount of happiness in it as she usually had. Maybe it was just the fact that he was barely awake that everything seemed different somehow.

He tried to talk but his throat was sore and dry; he reached his hand up. Immediately Ziva's head snapped up. The look in her eyes shocked him, there was a hint of relief but otherwise they were filled with pain and guilt. He had no idea how one person could show that much emotion all at once while at other times she seemed to be completely emotionless. Not that she was emotionless, but she could make it seem as if she was. "Mossad training," he thought and if it wouldn't hurt so much he would have smiled.

"Try not to talk, you need your rest." She stated simply, in her typical Ziva way. He knew that she was trying to hide something from him but he couldn't care less. He was glad that she was sitting besides his bed with only minor injuries.

Abby stepped up to the bed, leaned down and hugged him in a very un-Abby like fashion. There was no bone-crushing hug, no screaming that she was happy to see him alive. Nothing. He figured that she was afraid that she might hurt him and he brushed it off as her being careful. But on the other hand, he knew that Abby wasn't one to be 'careful' if no one stopped her before she launched herself into someone's arms.

Tony watched his team members in confusion. Ziva was sitting in the chair next to his bed. Her face had a couple of scratches and her arm was wrapped in gauze but other than that she seemed to be alright. Abby seemed subdued and silent, two characteristics that never fit Abby. And McGee hadn't said a word, he was leaning against the wall opposite of the bed. Silently watching him, he hadn't moved or made a sound since Tony opened his eyes.

"What is going on? You're all acting as if someone died. I woke up, I am going to be okay." Tony tried to joke and if it were not for the fact that his voice gave out, it would have sounded sarcastic. Now he was just glad that he was able to say a full sentence.

At that moment the door opened and Ducky, along with Director Shepard, stepped inside. "Well, my dear Anthony, I am sorry to inform you that you've hit the nail right on the head."


	3. Chapter 1 You've just hit the nail

**Chapter 1**

**You just hit the nail on the head **

"Special Agent DiNozzo, I am glad to see that you are awake." Jenny said in a tone of voice which sounded so cold that it almost felt as if the air in the room dropped a couple of degrees.

Tony stared at her, he wasn't sure what he should say to her. He was still trying to process what Ducky was telling him a minute before when it dawned on him that his comment could only point in one direction. There was only one person missing from the room and it would explain why Abby seemed so subdued, why Ziva looked so guilty and why Jenny acted so cold. He made it out; he would be alright but Gibbs wasn't. Something happened and Gibbs died. And he was sure that it had something to do with the bomb explosion. And while his team members were all trying not to blame him directly it was obvious what they were feeling. He made it out but the one person that kept them all together was no longer with them.

"Gibbs?" He asked softly, his voice broke down.

"Anthony, I am sorry to inform you but he is no longer with us, I am afraid." Ducky said while he approached Tony. Tony watched him

"No! No ... no." Tony said the first word sounded determined, the second pleading and the third wasn't more than a whine. The tears streaked his face and he was unable to breathe when he realized what must have happened.

McGee pushed himself off the wall. He breathed in deeply, his lip trembled before he spoke up; "We ... Gibbs and I, we were standing outside trying to get everyone out of the building while the two of you were searching for the bomb. Gibbs told me to continue when you didn't respond. I got everyone out of the building but when I looked around I couldn't find Gibbs. I tried calling him but he didn't answer his phone. The building blew up ..." His voice broke and he took a couple of seconds before he was able to continue. "He ehm ... I ran back and called out your names, searched for you between the burning debris. I found you and Ziva first, you were both unconscious. Paramedics arrived shortly after I found you. I had already called them before the bomb exploded. Gibbs said better to be safe then sorry. I left them with you and tried to find Gibbs. It wasn't until I tried calling him that I found him, the ring tone guided me to his body. He was buried with debris; by the time we finally reached him it was too late," McGee said, staring at his hands, which were both scarred with cuts and bruises.

Tony followed McGee's eyes down to his hands. It was obvious that he had been digging in the debris with his bare hands to reach Gibbs in time.

By the time McGee finished his explanation Abby was unable to keep the tears inside. She was on the verge of breaking down when McGee wrapped an arm around her. Abby immediately reacted and turned into his embrace; she didn't try to hide her pain. Ziva on the other hand looked guilt-ridden, but other than that she was hiding the pain that should be obvious if she were not Ziva. McGee didn't cry, but Tony could see that the tears were not far away. He was barely coping with the situation as it was.

Ducky was shaken, but he kept his composure better then anyone in the room. He was calm and collected, he held a hand on Tony's arm to keep him from getting up. Jenny on her turn, much like Ziva, tried to hide her feelings behind a cold and emotionless exterior which only proved that much more how much it really affected them.

Tony looked up at Ducky; "Please Ducky. Tell me it's not true." He pleaded with the older man.

"I am sorry, Anthony. But it is true."

*** * ***


	4. Chapter 1 When the truth hurts

**Chapter 1 **

**When the truth hurts**

The doctor visited him and explained his injuries to him while Ducky stayed in the room with him. For support or because he felt obliged, Tony wasn't sure. Soon the machines that monitored him when he first woke up were taken away since he no longer needed them. Tony was relieved when the beeping from the machines stopped and were taken away one by one; he could only imagine how important they were when you were in a coma or in life threatening danger, but once you were awake they were only annoying.

The others had left when the doctor arrived. Tim had offered to take Abby to her apartment and soon thereafter Jenny and Ziva left as well. They hardly said anything - all of them were trying to deal with the situation in their own manner. Tony sat up in the bed watching while the doctor spoke to him, but none of the words made sense to him. He heard them but none of the words registered. The doctor left when he had no questions for him. Tony diverted his eyes to the window but whatever happened outside wasn't important, he didn't see it with his oblivious eyes. Ducky tried to cheer him up with a story, but of course he choose this exact moment to tell Tony how he met Gibbs. Of course that didn't help his current state of mind one bit, it only made him feel guiltier - if that was even possible.

"Ducky, I am sorry but could you please leave me alone. I need some time ... to think."

"My dear Anthony, I will give you some time alone. But I will come back later. I need to go home and check on mother anyway; I have left her alone for far too long. She has been ailing lately and she isn't getting any younger." He got up and gathered his long gray rain coat and placed it over his arm. He laid a hand on top of Tony's arm in a calming gesture; "I know that things seem dark at the moment, but please Tony, remember that even after we lost Caitlyn we were able to continue on as a team. I know that this is a great loss but we have to keep hope." Ducky nodded as if he agreed with his own words and turned around. He left the room without another word.

Tony was desperate. He felt so guilty for what happened and there was no way to make this right; no way to turn back time and stop Gibbs from coming after them or to persuade Ziva to leave the bomb behind sooner. So many 'what if's' and no way to do anything about it. Tony swung his legs over the edge of the bed and waited a couple of seconds to see if he would get nauseous. He took a few minutes before he got up and stood on his bare feet. He pushed on the call button and within a couple of minutes a nurse rushed into his room. "Mr. DiNozzo, you can't get up." She rushed to his side and wanted to help him get back into the bed. He stopped her effectively by laying a hand on her arm. She looked up at him and saw the determined look in his eyes.

"Can you make sure that I get some clothes, even if it is just a pair of scrubs. I need to get out of here."

"But sir, you just woke up from a coma. You can't just leave; it is not permitted." The nurse said but she knew that any comment she made would be futile.

"I don't care if it is permitted or not, I want to leave now. I'll sign papers if I have to."

"I'll get you your doctor, please wait here." The nurse said with a nod, she quickly left the room. And returned a couple of minutes later with the doctor that visited him earlier and a pair of scrubs.

"Mr. DiNozzo, I hear that you are requesting to leave?" He nodded while he picked up the chart at the end of Tony's bed. Tony only nodded but didn't say a word. "I am required to tell you that it is against doctor's orders to leave, especially since you have been in a mild coma. But if you insist on leaving then I will give you the papers which you are required to sign in case something happens to you due to your injuries. It states that we are no longer responsible for any problems which leaving too early can potentially cause you."

"I know, just let me sign the papers so that I can get dressed." Tony said with determination in his voice, even though deep inside himself he doubted if what he was doing was a smart thing. To be quite honest, he knew that if he done this when Gibbs was around he would have gotten head slapped the second Gibbs laid eyes on him. Even though Gibbs most likely would have tried to pull the same stunt, Tony smiled despite everything. The nurse handed him the pair of scrubs and she told him that she put his personal effects in the drawer. He opened it and inside found his watch, wallet and his badge.

"Mr. DiNozzo, I am really recommending against you leaving today," the doctor tried again. Tony looked up at the doctor, giving him the best impression of a Gibbs glare he could manage. "I see that you are determined to leave. Well, at least let us call someone to pick you up?"

"I will take a cab."

"I will call a cab for you and give you some privacy; I will be back shortly when the cab arrives. But Mr. DiNozzo, you should really know that it is better when you are not alone especially not if you are sleeping," the young nurse told him, realizing that there was no way to talk him out of it. Tony nodded thankfully and turned back to the doctor who handed him the papers and the pen. Tony signed his name and handed the papers back to the doctor, who wished him luck and left the room but not before he pleaded to him to come back to the hospital the second he felt as if he needed help.

Tony walked into the bathroom were he cleaned himself up a little bit and pulled the dark green scrubs on. He couldn't wait to go home and get some of his own clothes on. Ten minutes later he was on his way home.

*** * ***

**AN: _I appreciate all of you who are reading my story, and I really like that people put my story on their alerts but I really miss some feedback. Please tell me what you think about my story. I know that I am not writing a happy story right now and I know that people might not want to read certain elements of this story but have some faith in me because I have it all figured out._**

**_Have faith in me I promise I will fix it!_**

**_Please R&R, thank you!  
_**


	5. Chapter 1 Home is where the heart is

**Home is where the heart is**

He sighed when he finally arrived home. He slowly got out of the cab and handed the man his well-earned money. At least he didn't try to drive him all across town so that he could get a bigger fee, for which Tony was grateful. He wasn't sure how much he could take right now. He greeted the man and slowly walked up to his apartment building. Usually he ran up the two flights of stairs in a heartbeat but not today. Today he took the elevator, which seemed to have all the time in the world to arrive on the second floor. He fumbled with his keys and finally opened the door.

He wanted to lie down on his couch and drown himself in his sorrows, or even his bed, but he knew that if he did that he wouldn't be able to get up. And there was something he needed to do first. He dropped his keys down on the cabinet in the hallway, and stared at the picture of his team. His team with Gibbs. He quickly turned away knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop the tears once they started flowing. Losing Gibbs was like losing a father, the loving caring father he never had. Even though Gibbs was never big on showing feelings, Tony knew that he cared and Gibbs had his own special way to show how much he cared.

Tony walked towards his bed room, his shoulders slumped while he opened the door. He sighed and turned towards his closet; it took him another 15 minutes to get dressed in a faded gray NCIS hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. Though his initial injuries were minor they were causing him pain and discomfort and a regular thing like getting dressed was not an easy task. Once he was done he picked up his phone and called another cab company; they promised him that a car would pick him up in ten minutes.

And truth be told there was a cab arriving at his building ten minutes later. Merely twenty minutes later he arrived at the house which was so familiar to him and at the same time so unknown. He waited until the cab left before he walked up to the house. The driveway was empty and the house was dark, but the house always looked as if no one lived there except for the basement windows. Whenever Gibbs was home, the basement window would be lit. But of course now there was no light, for Gibbs wouldn't be home. Tony tried to open the front door and he wasn't even surprised when he found the door unlocked. Down the dark corridor he could just make out the slightly ajar door that led to the basement. The light outside was fading quickly, and inside a cold and empty feeling made itself present. Tony made his way down the hallway and descended down the stairs to the basement. He was greeted by the all too familiar sight of yet another skeleton of an unfinished boat. He switched on the light above the workbench and watched as the shadows disappeared in the rays of warm yellow light.

He grabbed the bottle with the honey brown liquid from the work bench and opened the cap; the warm rich smell of the bourbon hit his nostrils and it made him think of Gibbs. It was a smell which was so typically Gibbs, just like the lingering smell of saw dust. No matter how common the smell must be to any other person it would always remind him of Gibbs now and in the far future. Just like Caf!Pow and gunpowder always reminded him of Abby. Abby, poor poor Abby. She loved Gibbs even more then he did. He remembered how depressed she had been when Gibbs had his amnesia and even more so when he left for Mexico. Tony could only guess how badly she was doing right now, and he was to blame. Dammit, he should have dragged Ziva out of there. He grabbed the first thing his hand grasped and threw it across the basement as well as he could with a hand wrapped in gauze. The sanding block hit the wall with a sad thud and fell on the floor. He took a swig from the bottle. The liquid made it's way down his throat leaving a burning sensation in his oesophagus.

Tony sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the workbench. He lazily turned the bottle in his hand and watched as the brown liquid spun around. He held the bottle up to the yellow light and with a weak smile he said, "This one is to remember the loss." He took another swig and held the bottle up again. "And this .. thisss one is for the hurt I caused all the people I care about." The bottle was lifted up to his mouth once again. It was harder to say the words, he slurred and laughed a painful laugh when he barely made it through the sentence. He lifted the bottle again; "And thissss, and thissss ... Gibbs!" He said when he noticed a noise coming from upstairs, the door to the basement opened. Tony tried to get up, but his legs were unsteady and he lost his balance. The basement spun around him and when he hit the floor, he winched in pain when he fell on his previously dislocated shoulder and the fall certainly didn't help the bruised ribs. He hoped that it was all a really bad dream but when he looked up at the stairs it was not Gibbs standing in the doorway ready to head slap him back to the hospital. It was Abby.

At that moment he once again wished that he had died in the explosion or that the earth would swallow him up right now at least then he no longer had to see the woman he always saw as his little sister he never had in so much pain. The expression in her eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life.

She stood perfectly still at the top of the stairs, staring straight at him. He could see in her eyes that she wanted to run away, but it seemed as if she wasn't able to move her body. "Ab..Abby!" He slurred the words and what was meant as a question sounded more like an exclamation. "Why ... Whatyoudoinghere?" The alcohol in his system made him slur the words together, unable to make it sound like a sentence rather than one word. Of all the stupid things he had done in the last couple of days, drinking another bout of bourbon would be at the top of the list. Abby's expression turned into one of utter disgust, her own pain and depression rendering her unable to see that it was his guilt and desperation that made him do it.

It felt as if Abby had physically attacked him, that was how much the expression on her face hurt him. In all of his life he had never had much comfort from his mother who died too early. Or his father for that matter, who had never been one to hide his disappointment in his son. But no one had ever looked at him the way Abby just did.

Tony pushed himself back up against the work bench, the bottle placed on the floor on his right next to his hand. "Whaddy doing here?" He asked again, realizing that Abby probably came here for the same reason he did. This was the place where she would feel closest to Gibbs. Even if he wasn't physically here anymore, it was as if his presence was lingering in the basement. Abby didn't say a word, she remained silent as her legs gave out underneath her and she slid down the wall and sat on the top of the stairs. Seconds later her head sunk down on her bent knees, her shoulders shook uncontrollably. He wanted to get up, wrap her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. But how could he promise her that when he was feeling as miserable as she was feeling and since his last attempt to get up failed so miserably he didn't even try it again. Instead he took another gulp.

*** * ***

**AN: Thanks for reviewing and adding my story to your favorite list, I appreciate it. Now I know that Tony in this part of the story reaches a whole new level of stupidity but there is a reason for it and it will be explained in the following updates. **

**This story is a little bit different than my other stories, it is my biggest story of NCIS at this moment. I still call this chapter 1 because it is still part of the first storyline. Once I start posting chapter 2 you'll see what I mean but that is the moment this story takes a new direction. **

**Let me know what you think, please.  
**


	6. Chapter 1 The truth hurts too much

**The truth hurts too much**

Ziva went home after writing her report about what happened the day Gibbs died; it took her most of the day to write it all down. Not because it was so much work but because it was difficult to write a report like that without being distracted by emotions, memories and 'what if's'. She knew that Tony blamed himself since he was the highest-ranked agent in the field except for Gibbs. But she was the one who ignored both Gibbs' and Tony's orders due to her own stubbornness. Ziva knew that it was Jenny's belief in her that was keeping her in Washington at the moment; for all she knew she could be back on her way to Tel Aviv with the next plane, back to her old life with Mossad. Thanks to the fact that her injuries were only minor she was allowed back at work but since the situation at the crime scene was being investigated by Internal Affairs the team was taken off all the open cases for the time being and wouldn't be handed any new cases either.

Ziva arrived home and prepared a light meal, which she ate in silence. She contemplated what to do since it was still early in the evening. She decided to go for a run; she tied the laces of her running shoes and gathered her Ipod and keys. Before she left her apartment she grabbed the orange beenie that used to belong to Roy and put it on. Her life had been filled with losses, of course there was her mother and Tali, her little sister. Ari, her half brother, even though he died by her hand she mourned the loss of the brother she used to have; not the man who killed Kate or the man who betrayed Mossad and surely not the man he became. And then there was Roy, the man she barely knew but who touched her immensely. Which was why she was still wearing his beenie whenever she went for a run. Ziva blocked out the thoughts that found their way into her mind, she turned the Ipod on and left the apartment.

She ran and ran for miles it usually helped her to clear her mind. But it surprised her when she found herself in front of Gibbs house. Apparently she could block the thoughts about Gibbs out of her mind but not out of her subconscious. She smiled a little when she noticed the red hearse in the driveway in front of the house. Apparently she wasn't the only one who had the idea to come here. The light in the basement was on. She walked up to the front door and opened it; as she expected, the door wasn't locked. It never was - that was typically Gibbs. She followed her way down the hallway and opened the door at the end to the basement and almost stumbled over Abby who was sitting at the top of the stairs.

"Abby!" She said as she sat down next to her and wrapped her in a hug. Abby looked up at Ziva, black eyeliner stained her face. It felt awkward, usually Abby was the one who initiated hugging people, but right now she was in obvious need of being hugged. Ziva wiped away the tears, she knew that Abby would be taking this extremely hard and she really felt for the other woman but she didn't want to comfort her by promising her that it would get easier.

At that moment Tony decided to make himself known, he got up stumbling and falling back against the table. He concentrated on holding the bottle straight before he looked up at the two women at the top of the stairs. "Well, well well ... Zeevah's here too. Who's gonna be next ... Jenny or Ducky ... or maybe the McGeekster? I would bet on the McGeekster, he certainly has the fastest car. Didya all arrange to meet here and forget to tell me about it?"

Ziva spun around the second she heard the hollow laugh. "Tony! Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?" She asked him while she let go of Abby and descended down the stairs. She had assessed the situation in a matter of seconds and it was obvious that Tony was drunk. That in combination with his injuries and the coma could never be a good thing, especially since he had painkillers. "Abby, call an ambulance," she ordered as she made her way to Tony.

"I don't need an ambulance, I am fine." Tony snarled; "I signed a release form."

"Good for you, Tony. But I am not going to sit and watch you kill yourself," she said, determined she knew that she could make him down if she needed to be although that might not be the smartest thing to do right now.

"Why not Zeevah, I should have dragged you out of there. At least then I didn't have to see the disappointment in everyone's eyes. Abby can't even look at me or talk to me for that matter. The disappointment in Probie's eyes was clear for everyone to see, and the Director couldn't even keep the ice cold tone out of her voice when she said that she was glad that I was awake. Ducky has dealt with death more then any of us, and though he can hide his true feelings after his professional demeanor I am sure that he has resentment towards me also. And you ..." He silenced and looked with a daring glare in his eyes in Ziva's direction, but he didn't finish the sentence. "I can't even look at myself." He stated defeated, all of the sudden feeling a whole lot more sober. He tried to take another swig, but before he could put the bottle against his lips Ziva's hand collided with the bottle and it flew across the floor where it smashed into the wall. The bottle shattered and the sound alerted Abby who reappered at the top of the stairs with the cordless phone in her hand. ""Whaddyou do that for!" Tony exclaimed in anger.

Ziva stared at him. He looked horrible, but what would you expect from someone who just left the hospital on his own accord barely hours after a four day coma and a half empty bottle of Bourbon in their stomach. She opened her mouth to tell him that she refused to watch him drown himself in his sorrows and kill himself in the process of doing so, that she will not stand by and watch while he hurts the already hurt people who care for him suffer while watching him go through the self inflicted pain, when all of a sudden Tony's body slumped down the workbench and started convulsing. His body moved uncontrollably and his head hit the ground before Ziva could drag him down to the floor. She placed her hands on either side of his face and tried to hold him as still as possible. Even though Abby had to make her way down the flight of stairs she did so in a couple of seconds. She sat down next to Tony and held down his arms and upper body. She cradled the cordless phone while telling the person on the other side of the line what is going on. She listened carefully to the instructions and a sudden calmness possessed her as she gave instructions to Ziva and repeated their location once again. It took mere minutes before Ziva was able to hear the blaring sirens of an ambulance in the distance. She watched Tony closely, she called out his name when she noticed that his eyes are closing. She saw that Tony tried to fix his eyes on her but couldn't. He lost consciousness the minute they heard the EMT's in the hallway. Abby dropped the phone and urged Tony to open his eyes, tears once again streaming down her face.

Ziva urged Abby to get away from Tony and give the EMT's their room to work on him, but she seemed oblivious to the world around her. Ziva almost physically dragged Abby away from Tony, who was lying still on the floor. The slight trembles that went through his body after the initial attack subdued and an eery silence had settled over him. Ziva watched him intently and she breathed in relief when she noticed the rhythmic pattern of his chest rising and falling with every breath.

*** * ***

**AN: Authors need feedback to know what they are doing is good! I would appriciate any feedback on my story. I have been writing a lot, spending a lot of time working on it but I have no idea what you guys think of my work. Let me know, please.**

**R&R**


	7. Chapter 1 Making things right

**Making things right**

He kneels down and grabs his head; the pounding headache is too much for him. He breathes in and out deeply before he even attempts to carefully open his eyes. The room is dimly lit, but he can see where he is immediately. Ziva is sitting across from him, bent over the bomb, running her fingers over the wires while she tries to figure out which one she can cut without detonating the bomb. Tony rubs his eyes and watches on in disbelief when all of a sudden the screams from his phone urge him to move. This was his second chance, his chance to make everything alright. It was like having déjà vu. only this time he knew what he should change.

"Gibbs, stay out of the building; we are coming out right now," He said before he dropped it back into the pocket of the blue NCIS issue coat. He looked up at Ziva she glared back at him with an annoyed look.

"I haven't disabled the bomb yet Tony, we can't leave," she stated matter-of-factly.

"I know, believe me you won't be able to do it in time." She immediately halted her hands and gave him a dead glare, luckily even Mossad officers didn't know how to glare someone to death or he would really be in a world of hurt.

"Ziva, don't make this any more difficult then it already is. We have to go now," Tony told her. She didn't listen, however, and continued to work on the bomb while the seconds counted down. There was barely a minute and a half left.

"So what are you saying - that I can't do it?" She was challenging him, the look in her eyes was more determined then he had ever seen her before. If she could do it, she wanted to prove it now to him more then ever.

"I know that, Ziva, and I am not saying that you can't do it, just that today is not the day to prove it to me. I have a really bad feeling." He looked at her with pleading eyes, hoping that she would believe him and that she wouldn't think that he had lost it. "No, I am sure that something will go wrong if we stay here." He knew what the future would be like and he really didn't want to relive it again.

Ziva looked up at him again and finally got up slowly, too slow for Tony's liking. The second she was standing Tony grabbed her hand and dragged her with him. Something in his plea must have been convincing because this sure wasn't the reaction he had expected from her. Together they ran through the long and narrow hallway to the door that would give them the best and fastest exit route. They ran across the small dirt road and into the field behind the building. Ziva had no idea how big the danger was that they were actually in but Tony couldn't quite shake the feeling of mischief.

The moment the building exploded behind them Tony jumped and dragged Ziva to the ground. The world around them was lit brightly orange and pieces of debris fell on the ground all around them. The moment he thought that it was over he wanted to get up; he reached his hand out to help Ziva up when a second explosion took place and a piece of debris hit Tony against the back of his head.


	8. Chapter 2 His biggest fear

**Chapter 2**

**His biggest fear**

He woke up slowly, bit by tiny bit he became aware of his surroundings and then heard it: the best sound ever. Gibbs. Who gruffly told Abby to sit down; the tone of his voice made it clear that it wasn't the first time he asked her that particular question. But Abby knew that she was Gibbs' weak spot and that he had a hard time getting angry at her for anything really. Abby was pacing through the room from one side to the other; she halted for a second only to spin around, which produced a squeaky sound when the soles of her platform boots turned before. She rhythmically walked back once again only to repeat the motion. She came to halt the second Gibbs spoke up; without seeing it he knew that she was glaring at him like no one else could without at least enduring a head slap and the wrath of Gibbs for at least the next couple of hours.

But this was Abby, he would never head slap her nor could he ever really be mad at her. The two of them had a special connection, one that neither Tony nor anyone else ever really understood to the fullest. He often found himself wondering if they even knew what the connection between the two of them meant. He could almost feel the imprint of Gibbs hand where it would collide with the back of his skull if he so much as tried to glare at Gibbs like that. When he woke up the last time and they told him that Gibbs died in the explosion, the head slapping had actually been one of the things that he felt he would miss the most. Because no matter how you put it, if Gibbs didn't care about what you did he wouldn't even bother to head slap you or to make you learn his rules.

For Gibbs, as strange as it might sound, the head slaps were a sign of affection. Tony was afraid to open his eyes, afraid that this was all a bad dream or his subconscious playing tricks on him and that as soon as he opened his eyes the reality would hit him and Gibbs would be dead after all. He could imagine Abby pacing around his room and Gibbs' annoyed reaction without even thinking about it, so maybe he was just making it up because it would be easier than to face the truth. It was such a standard situation between the two of them that he was sure that it would happen that way. What if the last time he woke up had just been a bad dream? What if he was actually in a coma and that was what he dreamed about, people dream when they are in a coma, don't they? Well, there was only one way to find out really, maybe that also explained why he could hear his friends but they hadn't noticed that he was awake.

Abby's ramble broke through his thoughts. "How can you sit there, so calmly when ..." Abby exclaimed, but her voice broke before she could end the sentence. "When the world around you is going to hell!!!!" She whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Gibbs huffed. He had lost so many people dear to his heart and he was still here - he survived. There had been moments where he'd rather have died so that he could be with them for all eternity but it wasn't his time yet. But he was not Abby - he knew that she would have a hard time dealing with this but what was he supposed to do. He sighed; he was not going to tell her that everything would be okay or that the pain would fade with time, because he knew from personal experience that pain didn't fade. You could learn to give it a place in your life and not think about it all the time but every now and again the pain was just as real as it had been the first time you found out that someone had died. He didn't know how he could help her except for being there for her when she needed him. Who was he to believe that he could help her when in reality he couldn't even help himself? He had lost Shannon and Kelly and to be quite honest, he still hadn't dealt with that. And then of course there was Kate; if only they had kept her down instead of pulling her back to her feet when the first bullet hit her vest she would still be here. He, as a sniper, should have known that Ari would take another shot at her if the first one didn't strike the intended target to satisfaction. After all hitting her in the vest was a mere distraction for the real shot. If only ... then Abby would have never had to suffer the loss of her best friend. And if Kate had been alive then they wouldn't have known Ziva, at least not in the way they got to know her now. Gibbs already missed the bickering between Ziva and Tony.

But who really knew what would have happened if Kate had not actually been killed on that rooftop? Ari had tried to prove a point by shooting the women around him and Gibbs was sure that he would have succeeded if Ziva hadn't stopped her half-brother when he came to Gibbs' basement.

He sighed and turned back to the bed, where his senior agent still remained in a coma. McGee choose that moment to arouse from his daze and looked up at Abby. He saw the tears brimming in her eyes; her black eyeliner was smudged. He got up, straightened his anthracite gray suite and glanced down at the tie. He had bought it because he knew that Tony would approve of it. It really was more Tony's style then Tim's but it had felt in a way as if Tony had been with them that morning. He knew that he could never replace Tony, and he wouldn't even try, nevertheless he did the only thing he deemed right as he closed the distance between himself and Abby. He pulled her in a warm embrace and within seconds he could feel her arms embracing him while her shoulders shook violently, finally releasing the painful tears that had threatened to spill all day long. He kissed the top of her head. McGee held onto her, whispering soothing words to her while he rubbed his hands in comforting manner. He silently led them back to the chair he had been sitting in previously and guided Abby to sit on his lap. Her face was hidden in his neck while her arms were still wrapped around him. It took a long time before her shoulders relaxed and the sobs subsided. Every now and again Gibbs would glance in their direction but he never said a word and he never gave them any comfort; not even to Abby. Gibbs knew that McGee was probably better at comforting Abby in this particular situation; he didn't feel the need to drag the two of them apart.

Tony could hear them. He wanted to tell them that he was awake, that he could hear them and that everything would be okay but it was as if the darkness was pulling him back. He didn't want to leave his friends; he wanted them to know that he was here. But his body didn't respond to his intentions. He tried to move but it was as if all of his muscles were paralyzed. He wanted to scream but his vocal cords weren't working. At that moment panic struck him - what if he was paralyzed? What if his brain was the only thing that was working and all he could do from now on was listen to his friends in despair? The heart monitor next to him started to beep faster and faster while the panic took hold of his heart.

The door swung open violently and banged against the wall as Ducky told him to breath and guided him through the motions with his soothing voice. "Anthony my dear boy, listen to me, you have to calm down. Breathe... breathe..." Ducky guided him; the elderly man might prefer to work with the dead but he still knew his way around the living. The other team members stood by and they watched as Tony's breathing became calmer. A nurse who ran into the room when the alarms went off was standing by but she decided that she would not do anything when she noticed that the doctor had a calming effect on the man in the bed. She left the room quietly again only to be called back in ten minutes later when Tony opened his eyes.

**AN:** Each time I post a chapter I hope for someone to give me some feedback to see if I am doing a good job. So please read and review, a review is what keeps a writer going. Thank you to those who did take the time to let me know what they think, I appreciate it!


	9. Chapter 2 Never ending bad dreams

Chapter 2

Never ending bad dreams

Tony slowly opened his eyes and squinted through his eyelashes, shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight that streamed into the room through the big window on his left. He could make out the form of Gibbs on his left and Ducky on his right, his hand still placed on Tony's shoulder. Abby was sitting on McGee's lap at the back of his bed. Her hands where folded together as if she were praying and her knuckles were white. It was only when Ducky spoke up that the two of them noticed that something had changed.

"Ah Anthony, I am so glad that you finally decide to join us." He said with a smile. Abby was standing next to him within seconds when she heard him utter the words. Tony looked up at the elderly man; Abby was next. Without saying a word he turned his gaze towards the end of the bed where McGee was standing, wearing a suit that looked as if he had taken it from Tony's closet instead of his own. Finally his gaze settled back on Gibbs; he stared at him motionless. He was afraid to say anything, afraid that Gibbs' image would fade if he talked to him; he even stopped breathing.

"Tony, Tony, you do know who we are right?" Abby begged him, afraid that after Gibbs, Tony would now be suffering from amnesia.

Tony sucked in a deep breath and returned his gaze to the scientist. "No ... I mean yes, I know who you are. I am just so glad to see you all here - especially you, Boss. Don't worry Abby, I am okay, the world isn't going to hell! I am awake!" Tony said with a sincere yet playful smile. "But where's Ziva?" He asked while he tried to look around his friends in search for another familiar face but there was no sign of her. The faces of his team members fell and Abby had tears in her eyes.

"Tony, I am sorry. She didn't make it out." Gibbs spoke up; it was his job to tell Tony what happened.

"WHAT! NO! I saw her! I know that she is okay. Why would you say something like that?" Tony said. He was mad as hell. Ziva was okay - he saw her breathing after the bomb exploded.

"Please Anthony, calm down, you just woke up from a coma. And I am afraid that Ziva indeed didn't make it. She was struck in the head by a piece of debris by the second explosion. You had already passed out. McGee just found you when there was a second explosion. I am sorry, Tony." Tony looked up at McGee, who had some cuts on his face.

"What... no..." Tony was defeated; he didn't know what to say anymore. First he woke up and Gibbs was dead and the second time he woke up they told him Ziva died. Tony's heart monitor started to rise again and soon a nurse came into the room. She called the doctor and he cleared her to give him something to subdue him. Tony fell into a fitful dreamless sleep, but each time he woke up lucid enough to be aware of his surroundings, the first question he asked was where Ziva was. It was as if he expected to hear a different answer each time he asked the question.

One time Abby was in his room when he woke up; he asked once again was where Ziva was. Abby, even though it pained her, told him once again that Ziva didn't survive the explosion. Tony watched her motionlessly when she told him again; it was as if he was all cried out. He had already shown too much emotion since he had woken up and as embarrassed as he would normally be right now, he was feeling too emotionally drained to even think about embarrassment. Tony's state of mind had been bothering everyone, but there was not much they could do since he didn't seem to accept what happened.

It was as if he refused to believe it, as he needed confirmation each time he woke up. It was the fourth day since the explosion, the second day since Tony had woken up. He looked up at Abby and asked her when Ziva would be buried. That was the first time he hadn't ask where she was. The first time that he seemed to remember on his own.

Abby swallowed hard before she was able to answer the question. "We don't know yet, Director Shepard was in MTAC all morning making arrangements with Director David. Each time we saw her she looked as if she was ready to explode. No one dared to approach her until Gibbs went to her office, 'scuttlebutt' in the office is that she herself physically worked Gibbs out the door before she locked it." Abby shrugged. "I don't know, he is her father - you would have expected that he would be on his way here the second he heard of her death, especially from a man who has a plane ready to use when ever he feels like it." There was a bitter tone in her voice. It was bad enough to lose yet another good friend, but the fact that her own father didn't seem all that bothered angered her. Abby sat down on the bed next to Tony. He pulled her closer to him and hugged her.

"There are a lot of things you would expect from a father, but what we expect and what happens are two separate things." Tony reminisced; he still wasn't sure what had happened to him. Was the first time he woke up an imagination of his comatose state? Was it because losing Gibbs was one of his biggest fears and his subconscious played a trick on him? Or did he really go back and change the outcome of what happened - and if that was the case, could he do it again? He wanted to talk to someone about it but he was sure that others would dismiss what happened as a figment of his imagination, a comatose dream or one slap too many to the back of his head. If his father ever heard about him changing the outcome of something that happened in the past, his father would only agree and say that he had always taken after his mother and now he even followed her all the way to craziness. Of course he could just talk about it and see what the reaction would be; after all, in this case he could use a concussion as an explanation. Tony contemplated the situation as he had been doing so many times over the past couple of hours. If there were one person in the world he could talk to about this, it would be Abby and she was here right now...

"Abby?" He spoke softly, softer than he had before. If he was going to talk about this then he wanted to at least make sure that no one could overhear them.

Abby looked up at him, she was still resting her head contently against his shoulder while her long lean body was pressed against his side as they lay in the hospital bed. "Yes Tony?" She asked him when he didn't continue on his own.

"Remember when you had that dream?"

"Tony, you have to be more specific, I dream all the time. Both while I am awake and when I sleep, although those are different kinds of dreams. I am a dreamer, what would one be without imagination?" She spoke quickly. She liked talking about dreams, though she wasn't sure why Tony chose this topic at this particular moment. It seemed a strange choice of topic, especially after talking about Ziva and her family or lack thereof.

"I mean that dream you had ... before ... Kate." The last words were merely more then a whisper. Even though it had been a while since Kate died, he knew that he never really dealt with it. His way of dealing with a situation like that usually consisted of blocking it out of his mind and not talking about it when he didn't have to. And since no one made him think or talk about what happened on that rooftop, he wouldn't bring it up either. Except for that one day of the year when he really couldn't avoid it - the anniversary of her death, the one day that no one on their team could avoid the topic.

"Oh, you mean 'that' dream. I didn't have a dream about Ziva if that is what you are asking me." Abby answered quickly, her face dropped and she seemed to be taken aback that he even suggested such a thing. "I would have said something if I did, you know that I believe in my dreams and that I could never let something like that happen ever again. You know I would have told Gibbs about it, don't you? I mean even Gibbs believes me. My dreams are like Gibbs' gut feeling, they should be trusted unconditionally." Abby rambled on, she didn't like where this conversation was going.

"No, I am not asking you if you had another dream. I wanted to tell you about hem ... an experience I had. It was somewhat like a dream, but different." Tony wasn't sure if he should continue or not. He knew that what he was about to say was not something he would usually talk about. 'Before I woke up and found out about Ziva I saw a different outcome. I am not saying better, but different. Like an alternate reality."

"An alternate reality? I never knew you believed in these kind of things; I am impressed." Abby said with a cheeky smile as she tried to lighten the mood. She really didn't like where this conversation was going. She never considered Tony to be a believer of the supernatural. She always saw him as someone who believed in what he could explain - the whole evidence uncovers the truth and all - but apparently she had been mistaken and he was open to more spiritual things. She really wondered at the same time whether it was his movie knowledge that was playing him along with the pain medication he had been receiving.

Tony sighed, he wasn't sure if he should tell someone about this or not and Abby's reaction didn't really make the whole situation any easier for him. "Please Abby, don't mock me."

"Okay, I won't say another word. Tell me your story. I will listen and I will shut up till you are done." She made a gesture as if she was closing a zipper over her mouth and sat down watching him.

"Abby! Stop it, this is hard enough as it is." Tony sighed before he continued; "Ziva and I were in the basement of the building and she claimed that she could dismantle the bomb. Of course I made a comment to her, which made her even more determined to show me that she could do it and she had to prove to me that she learned at Mossad how to dismantle a bomb. As if I needed confirmation. Sometimes it seemed as if Ziva had learned each and every discipline at Mossad; her skills often made NCIS, FBI and CIA look like a club instead of an agency. But you know Ziva, she never backs down from a challenge. Gibbs was begging us to leave it and that we had to get out of there. At first I ignored Gibbs, because I really thought that Ziva could do it and I didn't want to be the first to flee. I am the senior agent and it is my job to keep the other team members safe. I mean, I have seen her do it before, so why not this time? But on the other hand, I could see the seconds counting down and I wanted to yank her up and run for the exit but her fingers were entangled in the wires while she was trying to figure out which one she could cut. The first chance I had I dragged her up and forced her to run away as fast as we could. I don't remember what happened next but when I woke up in the hospital it was ... Ziva was sitting next to my bed; she and McGee told me that Gibbs went after us when we didn't answer him and that he died when the bomb exploded." Tony stopped talking and looked up at Abby. Tears were threatening to fall and he was sure that it hadn't been a dream - it had all been too real. The pain that he was feeling was the pain of losing someone important and dear to you. He needed a couple of minutes to compose himself before he was able to continue. "It was so real."


	10. Chapter 2 Righting wrongs

The Butterfly Effect by Nepeace

Chapter 2

Righting wrongs

"So you are basically saying that you can make things right again?" Abby asked him, she wasn't sure if what Tony was saying was caused by his coma or something else. Maybe he was just trying to deal with the situation and believing in the impossible was his way of dealing with it. She herself was known for being called weird or strange by people who didn't know her but Tony he was going to a whole new level of being strange with his ideas of alternate realities.

"In a way, yes. But I don't know what will happen if I change something. I wouldn't have changed anything if I knew what would have happened. Maybe things will be better, possibly even worse," Tony said. He felt so defeated; how was he supposed to make something better when he had no idea which change would ultimately give the best result? He didn't know which life would be worse - one without Gibbs or one without Ziva.

"Tony, you do realize how crazy this sounds right? In essence you are talking about the Chaos Theory, if you go back in time and change even the smallest thing, that small, minuscule change can have devastating effects on life as we know it," Abby was talking in grand gestures as she spoke the words. "That is risky business. So if you, as you claim, can go back to the past and change it, would you be willing to take that risk?" Abby asked the one question that Tony had tried to avoid since he realized what had happened.

The thing that scared him the most was that the whole situation reminded him of being a young child. His father once again had a twenty-something assistant. Even at the young age of barely ten, he knew that what his father was doing with his assistant was hurting his mother and it was wrong. One night he found his mother crying on the bed holding a glass with liquor; she had told him that once she sobered up she would go back to the past and make sure that his bastard father would never get the chance to do what he did to her. Tony knew that the alcohol affected his mother in a bad way and he had thought that it was just the liquor speaking and brushed that particular moment off like he had done so many times before. He didn't like to reminisce on his past too much; there were not many happy memories to recall. After all, his father never missed a single chance to claim that his mother was sick and back in those days she went to the hospital a lot. Of course in hindsight when he got older, he knew that it was his father who claimed that his mother was sick and the countless affairs that he had with his assistants hadn't made the situation any easier. From a child's point of view he believed that his mother was sick; as an adult he knew that his father had abused his mother mentally. Enough to eventually make her believe that she was sick. But what if she wasn't sick at all - what if she could do what he did? What if he was not the only person who could do this?

"Yes, Abby I know. Don't you think I am aware of that? But I am sure of this; I can't explain it. But it wasn't a dream - it felt as real as this, you and me talking..." Tony shrugged; he wasn't sure how to explain what he had experienced.

"So what you are saying is that the last time you woke up, Gibbs had died because he went after you and Ziva when you didn't obey his order to get out of there. And you made things right by leaving Bethesda hours after you woke up from a coma without any of us knowing and you went to Gibbs' house. But you didn't die - which would be expected given that you had been in a coma, suffered a concussion, you took pain medication for that concussion and drank a bottle of Bourbon. In the basement, you drank a bottle of Bourbon, which led to convulsions and you passed out while Ziva and I were trying to save you. And when you woke up you were back at the bomb site and you dragged Ziva out of there. But again the bomb exploded and you were too late. And this time when you woke up from the coma, Gibbs is sitting next to your bed and we tell you that Ziva didn't survive the explosion. Do you even know how crazy that sounds?" Abby exclaimed. "Do you really want to ask me if I can bring you liquor next time I come over to visit you?" By the time she spoke the last words of the sentence she had jumped up and grabbed her long leather coat and bag. She was getting ready to leave; she had heard enough for now. She needed to be alone to gather her thoughts on what Tony was trying to tell her. She had no idea how to react or even what to think about it.

"Abby, please don't leave. I am not going to ask you to bring me liquor. That was a stupid thing to do and I could have died. I know that, I'm not stupid!"

Abby contemplated her answer and for now she chose to go with the coma induced dream theory rather than the alternate reality theory. "You can't die in your dreams, Tony. You wake up!"

"It wasn't a dream! I went back and I changed the outcome of what happened," Tony said confidently. Much more confidently then he actually felt.

"Tony, I love you, you know that, but you really aren't making much sense right now," Abby was already halfway out the door. "I'll be back later. I need some time alone, and you should get some rest. Please don't do anything stupid. DON'T LEAVE!" Abby said to Tony with a good impression of a Gibbs' glare, better then he had ever seen her do before. She hoped that he wouldn't leave the hospital on his own accord, but to make sure that he wouldn't attempt to do so, she made a quick stop at the nurses' desk and told them that she was afraid that Tony would try something stupid if he got the chance. They promised to check on him more often then they usually would. She thanked them and left Bethesda to go back to the Navy Yard.

Tony sighed when Abby left the room; he had put all of his hopes on Abby. Of everyone he could talk to about what happened to him, he basically figured that Abby would be open to his almost insane sounding experience. He sure as hell knew how strange his theories must have sounded, how completely insane even thinking about alternate realities was. But just the fact that there was even the slightest possibility that he really could change what happened was worth thinking about it. But in his case over the past couple of days the thoughts about it had been more and more depressing. He wanted to make things right but he couldn't. So far he had hoped that once he fell asleep in the middle of the night that he would be able to go back and change what happened, but simply sleeping hadn't done the trick. He remembered that last time right before he went back he drank alcohol mixed with pain medication, which gave him some kind of a seizure. But he remembered the expression on both Abby and Ziva's faces and he never wanted to see an expression like that on anyone's face, especially not if it was directed at him. It was too damn hard to see that expression each time he closed his eyes.


	11. Chapter 2 The Solution

**The solution**

Tony contemplated what he could do; he really thought that if there was one person who could understand what he was talking about that it would be Abby. After all, Gibbs would slap him silly, McGee would stare at him speechless and Ducky would probably make sure that he would be moved to a psychiatric unit, especially with his mother's past. Abby had to be the one to believe in him. If Ziva had been here she would be convinced that he lost his mind and laugh in that deep chuckle of hers, damn he missed her more then he would ever admit to anyone. As with Gibbs, this was yet another situation in which he didn't want to live. This was not the way it was supposed to be. He needed to find the solution- he had to.

He thought about the choices he had; he promised Abby that he wouldn't do anything stupid. He couldn't do the whole alcohol thing; that was asking for problems. He knew that he was lucky that he survived that stunt the first time, but he felt that passing out along with his grief had caused him to go back in an attempt to fix things. He couldn't explain it but somehow being unconscious seemed to be the key to the past. Whether it was caused by a coma or by out of control alcohol abuse, that seemed to be the common factor: unconsciousness.

Tony thought about it all afternoon after Abby left him alone in his room. He couldn't think of a single way to achieve what he needed. He got out of the bed, earlier he had been unhooked from all the machines to which he had been attached. He tried to get up and stood for a minute; his legs felt wobbly but he was able to stand and even make a few steps. Someone, he had no idea who, had picked up some clothes at his home. In the small cabinet in the corner of the room he found his robe. He slipped it on and left his room. He looked up and down the sterile hallway and turned left. He reached the nurses' station and the nurse who was sitting behind the computer looked up at Tony rather annoyed. "Sir, you should really stay in bed," she said gruffly while she got up to guide him back to his room.

Tony, however, stopped her. "I promise to go back to my room but I need a pen and some papers. I want to write something down." He rather wanted to use a computer or a laptop but he didn't want to ask Abby to come back right now and bring him a laptop. But he really wanted to write down what happened to him. Maybe it would be futile but possibly it could help him to understand the situation better.

"I will bring you back to bed and bring you paper and a pencil, but please do not get out of your bed again." She brought him back to his bed as if he was a small child who needed to be tucked in.

"Could you please read me a bedtime story, I am not sure I could sleep if no one reads me a story?" He knew that the already gruffly woman would not like a joke like that but he just didn't care.

After all he would probably be here for a while. The nurse left the room but as promised she returned soon with a notebook and a pen.

He started to write down what happened as soon as she had left the room; he knew that it would be a couple of hours till the next round of visiting hours would start and he hoped that he would have enough time to finish writing down what happened. He started writing fast but like with any report that he wrote, he soon lost his train of thought and started contemplating other things. He was not the kind of man who could concentrate on writing for a long time. It was exactly the same with writing down his case reports once the work was done.

When he finished writing to his satisfaction he put it down and rested for a while, but he couldn't sleep. He was too restless. He was staring out of the window without really seeing anything when a young red haired nurse entered the room with a food tray. "Here's your meal, I'll be back in 30 minutes to pick up the tray." She put it on a pull out table, but before Tony could say anything she had already left the room with a smile on her face. He lifted the lit of the plate and sniffed the smell of the food. Typical hospital food, he hated it before he even tasted it. He knew that he didn't have much of a choice so he ate as much as he could, looking forward to the small bowl of bright red jello. It was the one good thing about hospital food if you asked him.

Soon after dinner the visiting hour started and everyone visited him, they actually stayed until they were literally thrown out of the room. Abby was the last to leave and Tony asked her if she could bring him his laptop. She told him that she would drive by his apartment before she came back to visit him. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and took his key with her. She had been at Tony's apartment often for movie nights she promised to bring him some movies as well so that he had something to do when the day seemed too long between visiting hours. He smiled when he left the room, he knew that she must be feeling miserable like him but she still managed to lighten his mood.

He was alone in the room and he decided that he was going to read through what he had written down earlier in the day. He took out the papers and started to read the words. But soon one word blended into the next and it became harder to read. He moved into sitting position and sat with his legs over the edge of the bed. The light above the bed was illuminating the papers, but even that didn't help. The words were still blending together. Not long thereafter the room around him started to blend together as well. He could feel his muscles go limp as he slipped off the side of the bed and collided with the cold linoleum-covered floor. He could see the papers scatter on the floor around him before he passed out.

**AN: A writer needs feedback to know if a story is worth posting, should I continue or not? Let me know what you think. **


	12. Chapter 3 Notion

**Notion**

He woke up; he could feel a cold tiled floor beneath him. He wondered why he was seemingly lying on an incredibly cold floor while his head was killing him. What had happened - where was he? He cautiously opened his eyes. He was lying flat on his stomach on a tile floor that he would always recognize as the floor of his own bathroom. He wanted to get up but his muscles were too cold, probably from lying on the floor for a long time. He tried to push himself up off the floor once again; he was able to get his body into motion but his joints protested as he pulled himself up into a standing position.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror; he looked like hell and that was not even exaggerating it. His head was pounding with a headache and there was a dark shadow underneath his eyes. He had a scruffy looking beard and his clothes were wrinkled. He felt as if he had just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. This wasn't the first time he woke up next to the toilet bowl; the only difference was that this time he knew for sure that he hadn't been drinking. The pieces of the puzzle started to come together. At the same time he could feel the blood reaching all the areas of his body again, warming his skin. That was the moment the most important memory hit him. He had been at Bethesda reading what he wrote down earlier that day and while he was trying to reread what he had actually written, he became dizzy and he lost consciousness. That was when his body came into gear. He slammed the door of the bathroom open and quickly moved down the small hallway into the living room to stand in front of his television. He switched on his oversized flat screen television, soon he landed on the News Channel and he was stunned when heard the news anchor say the date and the time before she started reading the news. Tony couldn't stop the yelp that slipped from his mouth.

He ran back to the bathroom and stripped , scattering his clothes into the corner of the bathroom in the general direction of the clothes basket. He turned on the cold water and got underneath the shower - in a matter of seconds he was wide awake, so he slowly added warm water and made it a quick shower. Feeling refreshed and clean he got out of the shower and toweled himself off. He picked out a suit from his closet in the bedroom and was out of the door within an hour after waking up on the cold bathroom tile. It didn't take long to reach work after all he knew where the traffic jam would be that made him late the first time he left for work on that dreadful day of the explosion. This time, however, he would make sure that they would all be all, it was his clue that brought them to the office building. He smiled; he would call in an anonymous tip and make sure that his team wouldn't get the call. For all he cared he would send them on a wild goose chase if that meant that he could keep them all safe. Even if Jen decided that it would go in his file, it would be as a slap on the wrist.

Tony decided that he would get coffee for his teammates and a Caf-Pow for Abby before going into the building. A little while later he entered the office building with a happy smile on his face. Everyone including Abby, who was sitting in his chair, watched him strangely when they noticed his goofy smile. He felt like hugging them all, but he knew that they would at the very least raise an eyebrow at that kind of behavior so he only hugged Abby when he pulled her up from his chair. Abby never turned down a hug, certainly not one that was initiated by the other person. She almost skipped out of the room with the large Caf-Pow in her hands.

Tony watched her; he had missed that happiness in her. He then crossed the two steps between his desk and McGee's, he handed him his coffee. "Ready for a new day, Probie?" He asked with a genuine smile. McGee looked up at him in surprise, but there was no mock in Tony's smile, just unfeigned generosity. Next in line was Ziva, He wanted to pull her away from the desk into the elevator and use Gibbs' office to tell her what he really felt for her before it was too late, but at the same time he knew that he wouldn't do that. Ziva smiled at him and thanked him; the smile warmed his heart and made it even harder to not drag her out of there. He knew that he couldn't lose her- he had to do whatever he could to prevent it and he would.

Last but not the least was Gibbs; he handed him the trademark Styrofoam mug with a steaming black coffee. "Boss, do we have a case?" He of course knew the answer, but since he asked that question each day he thought that it would be better to keep up appearances. They worked the case- Tony just neglected to mention some of the information that led them to the office building. However he did leave the building mid-day to get lunch. He made a short trip to a phone booth which he knew wasn't covered by security cameras and made a phone call to the FBI. Let them handle the bomb - the office building also housed a federal office. He thought that it was a brilliant idea, he kept his whole team out of danger and the FBI had the benefit that they got the advanced warning.

He got back in his car to pick up the lunch he promised the others but while he was driving back a car swerved into his lane. Tony turned the steering wheel to avoid crashing into the car but he slipped and lost control. His car came to a screeching halt against a lamp post.

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	13. Chapter 3 Harry Potter is

**Harry Potter is a children's book**

He became aware of his surroundings. At first it was just a mumbling sound, familiar enough for him to know that it was good to hear that voice, but at the same time it was difficult to place it. He couldn't put a name to the voice nor could he recognize the words that were spoken softly yet clearly.

_'Before I answer you - oh, yes, Bellatrix, I am going to answer! You can carry my words back to the others who whisper behind my back, and carry false tales of my treachery to the Dark Lord! Before I answer you, I say, let me ask a question in return. Do you really think that, had I not been able to give satisfactory answers, I would be sitting here talking to you?'_

The words spoken became even more familiar and he knew that it was Ziva who spoke them. But before he was able to think about it more he fell back into a darkness of sleep. The next time he woke up he was able to hear Ziva's voice again:

_Harry awoke as though the sudden darkness was an alarm. Hastily straightening his glasses and unsticking his cheek from the glass, he pressed his nose against the window instead and squinted down at the pavement. A tall figure in a long, billowing cloak was walking up the garden path. _

That was when it dawned on him: Harry Potter. Why in God's name was Ziva reading Harry Potter out loud in his room- it was a children's book for God's sake. He opened his eyes; the room was brightly lit which didn't surprise him one bit. The memories came rushing back and piece after piece he was able to place them in the right spot. He watched Ziva. She looked different but he didn't know why. His throat hurt but he tried to speak nevertheless; "Zee-vah ..."

Her head snapped up, it was typically Ziva to be able to notice the smallest sound and react instantly. The book was placed on the bed so quickly that he hardly ever saw it happen until it collided with his leg. She was standing in a mere matter of seconds. She leaned over him and he could feel her breath on his skin; he was still trying to pry his eyes open to watch her beautiful face. He wanted to see those deep brown eyes, see the smile that graced her face.

"Tony?" She leaned in over him even deeper and watched him carefully as if she didn't want to miss a single movement. At that moment he felt something connect with his arm but he had no idea what it was. It felt strange and out of place, but at this moment a lot of things felt odd and out of place. He opened his eyes completely and snapped them shut again. "Are you awake? You are waking up, yes?" She hit the alarm button next to the bed and soon the room was filled with medical personnel. Ziva distanced herself from the bed, as she didn't want to be in the way. The book that Ziva discarded when she first heard his voice fell to the ground with a loud thud when a nurse pulled away the sheets as they started to check his vital signs. A nurse urged Ziva to leave the room and reluctantly she complied.

"Zee-vah ..." She could hear him say her name, she wanted to go back but the nurse appeared to have a stronger grip on her then she initially thought. His weak voice brought tears to her eyes, but he was awake - that was the thing that counted. He was talking and he seemed to know who she was, so maybe he was one of the few lucky ones who would be able to walk away without too many complications.

"Please Miss David, take a seat and let the doctors do their work, you can visit him soon enough. They are just performing some tests to see how he reacts to them." The nurse was a woman who could easily be Ziva´s mother in age and that was exactly how she treated Ziva - like a caring mother wanting the best for her. She promised that now that Tony woke up things were looking a lot better. Ziva had seen the nurse walking around so often she felt as if she knew the woman; she had spent many hours at the hospital, too many.

"Officer." Ziva corrected automatically.

"Officer." The nurse repeated with a nod. She started to guide Ziva to one of the waiting areas down the hallway but Ziva stopped the nurse.

"Can I please use your phone, I need to make a call."

"Sure, you can use the phone at the nurses station." Ziva smiled and nodded, together they walked towards the nurses' station. She picked up the phone and dialed the number she knew by heart. It took a couple of seconds before the phone was picked up and she listened to the voice on the other side. It sounded strange, the official way he picked up the phone; he never used that tone of voice when he knew that she was calling but since he didn't recognize the number on his caller idea he picked up in his 'special agent' tone of voice.

"It's me." She said; he barely missed a beat before he answered back.

"Are you okay, where are you? Do I have to come pick you up?" His voice had a frantic twitch.

Ziva chuckled and a deep happy sound erupted from her mouth. "Relax, I am just calling to tell you that Tony woke up!" She listened to the sounds at the other side of the line while the message she just gave them sunk in. The situation had been bad from the start, Tony had been in a car accident. He went out to get lunch for the team during work and didn't return. It took almost two hours before they received the news that Tony had been in a car accident. A drunk driver swerved into his lane and Tony tried to avoid colliding with the other car but he lost control of his car. After hitting a couple of other cars his vehicle came to a halt against a lamp post. The fire department had trouble getting him out of the car, they had had to use the jaws of life and cut the car apart. Since that day, he had remained in a coma and as time passed the chance that he would get out of it had gotten smaller with each day. And as time graduated they had all given up hope somewhat.

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End file.
